Why We Host Thanksgiving

We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found that the answer is community. – Dorothy Day

Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place.  It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines. – Henri J.M. Nouwen

Last week, for the third year in a row, Husband and I hosted Thanksgiving at our house.  Growing up, I have distinct memories of family gatherings in large downstairs rec rooms.  It’s a scene I want to recreate in our home.  Opening up our home to friends, and sometimes strangers, isn’t easy.  There’s often an unspoken pressure to appear put together – a spotless house, a thoughtfully set table, an effortless meal.  Sometimes that’s how things work out.  And sometimes it isn’t.  Although we’re not always great at it, Husband and I make a conscious and deliberate effort, especially during the holidays, to welcome people into our home without hesitation.

Practicing Hospitality

As a single person, I was never very good at inviting people over.  Although I love it, it’s not a practice I could ever make into a habit.  Now, as part of a married couple, it’s a little easier.  My extroverted husband helps to take some of the attention off me, the introvert.  When we were first married, Husband and I committed to making a regular practice of bringing people into our home, and therefore our lives.

I thought regularly having people in our home would be easy.  After all, at our last post, Husband already knew people.  He’d been there nearly a year before I finally moved to join him.  Before I arrived, I had imagined guests coming for dinner at least once or twice a month.  Game nights would be a typical Tuesday.

In stark contrast, my first year as a military spouse was surprisingly isolating.  I wasn’t prepared at all for the extreme change in my lifestyle and the anxiety that came with it.  Making friends was harder than I’d imagined – or maybe I was just out of practice.  Instead of falling seamlessly into a new community, it felt a bit like trying to break through a brick wall.  It was hard to learn a new place, a new husband, and military acronyms all at once.  Add in the emotions that came with knowing Husband would deploy a matter of months after my arrival.

I felt fragile.  I didn’t want to burden Husband with all my feelings – I was already interrupting his regular routine.  It was as if I was no longer in control of my life; I was adrift and alone.  I remember wanting to ensure no one I knew felt as alone as I had.

Thanksgiving + Community

During our first married Thanksgiving, and my first away from my family, Husband and I decided it would be a good idea to host.  Not only would this provide a comfortable place to meet some of Husband’s community, but it would also fill a long-standing desire of my heart.  Until I became a part of the military community, I had no idea how isolating it can be.  Being a single soldier, a separated spouse, or geographically distant from family and familiar traditions, all feed into feelings of isolation.  Put all of them together and you have a recipe for disaster.

But military life can also be a recipe for hope and unity.  As the High School Musical cast once sang, “We’re all in this together.”  As hosts, Husband and I ensure that we know some of the families in his unit.  We don’t just want to know their name.  We want to know their stories, their families, their struggles and wins.  What better way to do that than to invite them into our home.  By spending time together and recognizing the challenges of this lifestyle, we’re committing to caring for each other.

Turkey Day Dinner 2018

Somewhat unexpectedly, this Thanksgiving was our largest turnout.  At one point, through Facebook invitation RSVPs and verbal responses, we were expecting between 45 and 50 people.  Armed with two turkeys, a slew of sides, several bottles of wine, and an abundance of desserts, we successfully hosted somewhere between 30 and 35 people (and one dog).  We welcomed new soldiers, separated soldiers and spouses, families with children, and new arrivals.  It was glorious chaos.

The best part was, although many people were in our home for the first time, there was no shortage of helping hands.  People arrived early in the day to set up appetizers and get the turkeys cooking.  Food arrived with friends and we ended up with more than we could have hoped to finish.  Many visitors stopped in the kitchen to see if they could help.  As if by magic, serving spoons appeared next to food.  The transition from dinner to dessert was smooth thanks to the help of practiced hands.

This is the type of community I had always imagined.

Tell me:  how was your Thanksgiving?  Did you host?  Eat out?  Leave me a comment and tell me all about it!