“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship” – Louisa May Alcott
Being in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people often aids in self-reflection. While Husband has found a more normal work rhythm, I’m still testing out my routine. With large amounts of unstructured time, I’ve found my mind wandering, connecting dots that form the path to this present moment. I always believed that my heart had a dream, but I only half thought it might actually come true.
Remembering Brogan
It was my friend Brogan’s birthday recently; he would’ve been 27 this year. Brogan and I had worked together for a few summers as camp counselors. On the first day, I knew he was in the right place – I was surprised by his genuineness with the kiddos. He really wanted to spend his summer hanging out with them. And he was great at it!
Tragically, Brogan passed in a car accident a few years ago. I can still feel the shock of the news. Sitting in my high school parking lot, I was ready to leave after talking to a group of students about volunteering. Naturally, my mind went to the last time I saw him – a few weeks ago at a restaurant downtown.
I still think about Brogan often. Recently, I recalled a conversation from a few years back. It was 2013. I was changing jobs, ready to leave my position as a lead counselor and starting anew at a local non-profit. Sitting on the back of the bus, Brogan asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I answered him as best I could, saying, “If I’m honest, probably doing the same thing I’m doing now. But my dream is to live in another country and work with kids.” He replied, “That’s totally something I could see you doing.” Brogan had the ‘if you can dream it, you can do it’ attitude, and as a high school English teacher, he was living his dream.
The memory of this conversation took me by surprise. It’s been five years; I’d forgot it even happened. Honestly, I never really thought I’d have the opportunity to live abroad. After a few attempts (a half-completed Peace Corps application and a declined offer to teach in Romania for 6 months), I always figured my fear of failure would hold me back. I clung to what I knew, afraid to leave the known and comfortable.
A Dream Realized
Recently, Husband told me how pleased and surprised he is with my transition. (Although it’s still early – there’s plenty of time to ugly cry). The last move we made was hard. Although only three hours from home, finding my place was harder than I’d hoped. I made friends eventually, but I never felt at home there.
From the beginning, I knew that move was temporary. We wouldn’t be there long, making it feel more like a stepping stone to the next place. In Japan, our experience so far has been altogether different. Something in me told me it would be.
Years ago, my mother chose the quotes above for me. Along with a handful of baby pictures, she gave careful thought to the words she wanted to include in the school yearbook for my “senior spread”. Each senior’s family had the opportunity to purchase space in the back, a place to celebrate the past and point excitedly toward the future.
Like me, my mom has known for a long time that I want to go, see, and do. She and my dad have hugged me tight, sending me to the wilds of Ireland, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Ethiopia, and now Japan. But unlike me, they knew I would be ok. They knew that failure, while likely a part of the journey, wouldn’t define the adventure.
Living in Japan is fulfilling a life-long dream. Even though this isn’t where I thought I’d end up, I believe this was something I was created to do.
After a few visits to Nicaragua, I thought I’d end up there. Truthfully, Asia wasn’t on my radar at all. And yet, here I sit, having the best time and being so grateful for the opportunity our family has received. It is a blessing to be able to realize my dream. A blessing, not all are afforded. While it was hard to say goodbye to all things familiar, I look forward to making Japan our home.
