There are things I can’t force. I must adjust. There are times when the greatest changes needed is a change of my viewpoint. – Denis Diderot
Whew! You did it! Maybe you flew across the country, or across the world, and are still waiting on your household goods to arrive. Maybe you loaded up the car, packed a moving van, and drove to the next county, the next state, or across the country. Regardless, your PCS is complete.
Well, mostly. Now comes the adventure of getting to know your new home.
Adjusting to a new duty station is hard. After the flurry of paperwork, weird sleep schedules, and unpacking boxes dies down, the real work starts. It’s no secret that being the new kid in town brings its challenge for everyone in your family. [For me, it meant crying over having to grocery shop at Harris Teeter instead of Kroger. But that’s a whole other story].
But there are a few things you can do to help adjust to your new home and new city.
Have a formal goodbye
One thing that helped me in my first move away from my hometown was to physically say goodbye to places. Sometimes, that looked like stopping by my favorite [and often empty] park, to speak aloud my appreciation for the time I spent there thinking and dreaming. Other times, it was a formal goodbye to employees I had come to know as friends. Whatever your process, consider a formal goodbye to places you’ve loved and learned from in your old town. [This can be especially helpful with young children, offering them a sense of closures before moving to a new area].
Be flexible
Moving and adjusting to a new place means, like much of life, things won’t often go as planned. It’s easy in high-stress times to let these small unexpected challenges derail us. Jumping in while expecting some surprises may help lessen the stress of a change.
Keep some familiar routines
Staying on track with your typical routines during the adjustment period can help you and your family feel more grounded and at home. Routines can be small or big things – a few minutes of morning yoga, a familiar bedtime ritual, or once a week coffee stop can offer comfort in a time when so much is new. Even something as simple as keeping meal times the same can be a source of comfort – even if you’re eating out more than normal.
In-process with your service member
Thankfully, our arrival in Japan included an amazing sponsor that allowed me to tag along for Husband’s in-processing for most of the first week. Walking from building to building gave me a sense of where things were located on the base, and I was able to take care of some paperwork for myself. Having a reason to be up in the morning and a schedule to sort-of stick to also helped me get over the sting of jetlag. Children and pets can make in-processing a challenge, but I highly recommend going along if you can.
Find new favorites
This one takes time and, likely, will change as you get to know your new community. Trying out restaurants, coffee shops, and even grocery stores can make adjusting to your new town feel like an adventure. And it is! Earmark a few places that have a nice vibe, and save them in Google maps to make finding them later easier. If you have friends or family in the area, or who have lived there previously, ask them for recommendations.
Say yes
One of the most unexpected things about our arrival in Japan was getting an invitation to a cookout our first week in the country. Introverted me would’ve been just as happy staying in – after all, we weren’t even over the jetlag hump yet! But instead, I took a step out of my comfort zone, and Husband and I attended the gathering. It made such a difference getting to know people early, and undoubtedly played a part in how quickly Japan came to feel like home.
Give yourself grace
Moving is a stressful time. Be gracious and gentle with yourself and your family. While it’s important to be open to new experiences and take steps to get adjusted, don’t force it either. Celebrate small wins, even if they seem silly. Life is all about balance and adjusting to a new duty station is no different.
Take small steps to make your space feel like home
We were in Japan two months before our household goods arrived. It’s hard for a space to feel like home when it’s mostly empty. One of the first things I bought for our new house was plants. Two tiny babies that were only ¥100 each brought so much joy, and a feeling of permanence, to our home. Other purchases that made a difference – a good kitchen knife, new pillows, brighter lightbulbs, and curtains. It’s amazing how quickly I forgot what I owned, so I don’t recommend spending a lot of money, or buying a lot of stuff before your household goods arrive, but a few strategic purchases may help your new space feel less empty and homier.
Oftentimes, adjusting to a new duty station is a long season, and moving is only a small part of it. Thankfully, there are some basic steps to help make the transition easier. How does your family get acquainted with a new town or area? What have you found makes the adjustment to a new duty station easier?
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