Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards – Søren Kierkegaard
The new year is prime time for reflections. Especially this year as we mark the movement into a new decade. I’m a bit late on my reflections for the fall, so it seemed like a good idea to start here. In the coming week, I’ll be reflecting more on 2019 as a whole and also reveal my word of the year for 2020. (You can read more about past years’ words here).
Do you have a practice of reflection? Although I didn’t have anything formal until this past year, I’ve been reflecting on my life and experiences for years. For me, self-reflection usually shows up in the form of journaling.
I write – a lot.
I write on my phone, in a journal, in word documents saved sporadically on my laptop’s desktop, sticky notes, napkins – you name it, I’ve probably jotted a thought on it.
This year, I’ve been practicing looking back and reflecting with a bit more intention. I’m taking my time, looking for trends, and learning what lights me up (and what brings me down).
I’ll admit, a lot of what’s on my list this season isn’t Earth-shattering. A lot of it I already know about myself. But sometimes, reaffirming something is just as important as learning it initially. Here’s some of what I’ve learned this fall.
FALL IS MY FAVORITE SEASON
I knew this. But coming into the season again this year just reaffirms it. While I don’t love the rain that tends to usher in the change, I do love the clear blue skies afterward. The crisp mornings that melt into warmer afternoons, crunchy leaves on sidewalks, and switching out my summer wardrobe for more layers and muted colors – I love it all!
INTERNATIONAL SPORTING EVENTS ARE PRETTY AMAZING
As some of you may know, Husband and I scored tickets to the Rugby World Cup here in Japan almost as soon as we arrived in country. (This may or may not be the entire reason we chose Japan as a duty station!)
We were able to go to three matches together (Husband went to one alone), and watched a few at local pubs. The crowd at these events was pretty amazing; the energy was palpable. I loved wandering or waiting in line and just listening to people speak. Having never really followed a sport or team, I loved watching strangers cheer on other strangers.
I couldn’t get over the number of people in attendance – the final had more than 70,000 people in the stands. Despite the large crowds, there was no couch burning in the streets, no riots by the winners or the losers. The teams were all respectful of each other and the Japanese community, often picking up local customs and integrating them into the game. Having learned other countries’ national anthems, many Japanese people attended games and team practices and sang, ensuring everyone had fans in the crowd. It warmed my heart in a really big way.
I NEED TIME TO WRITE, ESPECIALLY WHEN I TRAVEL
In the Spring, I learned that I’m good to travel for about 2 weeks before I start feeling that longing for home. When we travel, Husband and I tend to pack in all.the.things. At the end of August, Husband and I packed up and took a few days out west in Hiroshima.
As we were moving through the city, I made some notes on my phone about what we experienced. Late nights and early mornings left little time (or motivation) to write long-form about our trip. Even now, months later, I only have those notes from my phone.
I’m ok with that type of schedule for a short amount of time, but I’m learning that I need time to decompress and record my experiences in order to fully appreciate them. Ideally, I’d like an hour or two at the end of the day to write out everything I can remember. I like details and I don’t trust my memory.
COMMUNITY HOLDS US UP WHEN WE CANNOT HOLD OURSELVES
I’ve talked a few times already about our intentional effort to build a community here. This fall, that community showed up in a big way. In September, we found out we were expecting our first child. It wasn’t long before we learned we were also losing our first child at 6 weeks.
Our group of friends here has been so supportive. From checking in or just stopping by, ensuring Husband had time off to drive me an hour-and-a-half for multiple doctors’ visits, to showing some of our out-of-town guests around when I was out of commission, they have all stepped up and shown us love in a time where we needed it most. We are beyond thankful for our friends who have become family.
MY GRIEVING PROCESS INCLUDES CHANGING MY ROUTINE
It also includes some time on the couch, in sweatpants, crying into my ice cream. This has been the case with every “not the one” boyfriend, and it was also the case when we found out the heartbreaking news about our first baby.
But after that, I bought art supplies, a practice I haven’t had since I was freshly out of college. I purchased new skincare items, hopeful for a routine I’ve never been able to establish. I moved back to always carrying a smaller, lined journal in my bag, choosing to write long-form instead of typing out my thoughts. I’m reading more. And in all these things, I’m healing slowly.
I LIKE HOSTING PEOPLE
This one isn’t new but was reaffirmed when our first “long term” guests came for a visit. In October, we had two of Husband’s family friends come and stay, using us as a launchpad to explore other areas of the country. About a week after they arrived, my long-time friend, Beth, came for a week.
As expected, I very much enjoy playing tour guide, answering questions and sharing what I’ve learned since moving to Japan. I enjoy preparing a guest room and restful spaces, morning coffee, and warm soups. I do my best to welcome people well.
I’M (STILL) NOT A MORNING PERSON
Part of my grieving this season has included working to start a new morning routine. Typically, I sleep in until about 7:00 am, leaving some time to shower and walk the dog before Husband is home from PT and ready for breakfast. Now, I’m trying to get up earlier (anywhere between 5:30 and 6:30 am), hoping to re-establish a quiet time and Bible study habit that hasn’t been a habit for quite a while.
I’m an expert snoozer, so getting up earlier has been a team effort. Husband has graciously agreed to give me a few extra shakes in the morning before heading to PT at 5:30. While it hasn’t been the smoothest transition, I’m hoping a new habit is slowly taking shape.
TYPHOON HAGABIS WAS WILD
I didn’t have a better title for this but for some reason, I feel like this weather phenomenon deserved acknowledgment. In our area, the storm was relatively calm, although many to the north of us weren’t so lucky. We were stuck inside for a day of rain, but the winds (bringing the strongest gusts for us so far) only showed up for a few hours. Thankfully, Husband was home for all the excitement.
What I found most interesting was how quickly the storm dissipated. One minute our lights are flickering and the next it’s incredibly still outside. Everything just – stopped. No wind. No rain. I spent a bit of time on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. The next morning, I woke up wondering if that’s what it was like when Jesus calmed the waves. What can I learn about letting go from a typhoon?
I (STILL) HATE THE GYM
This (should) come as a surprise to no one. In the last few months, I’ve been paying a personal trainer to meet with me once a week. But I don’t go at any other time. I have no desire to go workout. I’ll admit, it’s been nice to be able to control something my body is doing lately, but that’s about the only part I (sometimes) enjoy. I read somewhere that Okinawan centenarians don’t go to the gym and that’s maybe part of why they’ve lived into the 100s. Maybe I should take a page from their book?
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN – WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS FALL?